Downtown Disney, 1580 Disneyland Dr.,
Anaheim, CA 92802
The flowers here are real but they seem fake. You still have to stay where I can see you. I can’t think. Christmas music interrupts my thinking. When I try to think I just get mad. It’s January 5th. This isn’t fair. So many people here with Micky Mouse ears—it feels like a cult. Colorful shops surrounding colorful walkways, pastels everywhere. Respect to the guy who just lit up a cigarette.
My arms are so cold. It’s hot outside but this air condition in the shop kills me. Shirt that says I’m just here for the snacks. Shirt that says Space is the Place. Tall Black man who looks like he's in his early forties sports a shirt with Micky Mouse on it. It says I’m celebrating my first visit. White woman around his same age with shirt that says Does running out of wine count as running?
Tall boy eating cotton candy walking quick like it’s very important. I see a little boy do a little shuffle dance within his seat to Walking in a Winter Wonderland. I’m baffled and disturbed as to why anyone would dance to that and I look at him and I’m probably expressing that sentiment in my face. His face seems to say why the fuck are you staring at me?
Hi and welcome to the lego store over and over hi and welcome to the lego store. Flashing lights and Disney characters hang from the ceiling. I feel like I’m being forced to be in a parade (I hate parades) but my feet keep moving. I can’t control them. The parade overtakes me. It’s a small world after all.
It’s ninety degrees outside. The workers here keep looking at me. The backdoor porch door’s open. The air condition pumps loud. I feel like a misshapen puzzle piece as the workers keep looking at me perplexed and unsettled like I’m a puzzle piece in a puzzle they’re putting together but I don’t fit anywhere! The rooms here look like they want to be in a mansion but they can’t be. I count thirty eight lights on the ceiling of this room, and there’s individual lights for most products. Security cameras in the corners point towards the center. Security guard is much smaller than me. A worker approaches. He’s a strong man in a tight shirt Can I answer anything? It feels like he’s pressing his breath into me. It feels like if I did have something for him to answer for me he might be able to breath better and I want him to breath better but I can’t think of anything to ask him.
Whites and browns and beiges mostly. There are no bright colors. Any black exists against a background of white. Porcelain shaped into coral and boring abstract art on the walls. But over here these dark blue rocks cut into coasters in intricate patterns. The music here sounds like Christmas music but it’s not Christmas music. Ad with guy grilling who looks like a scientist. Man with man bun and Jason name tag asks How are you? but it feels more prying than curious or caring tho he smiles. Wooden table with beautiful crack costs $1,250.
The woman at the register looks mildly terrified as she sees me walking down the stairs with my notebook. There’s a book here about drinks called Tiki With a Twist. It’s written by two white people. How are you? asks a worker with much hesitancy Have any questions or anything? Smells piney here which is nice but also too syrupy here which is not so nice. Olive oil in containers that look like wine bottles. Are you taking notes for school? asks a woman here working in a complaining lilt. Then finally I think to ask the strong out of breath tight shirt man about the coasters and he breathes in deep and smiles. Well, they’re agate rocks. We find them on the Pacific coast. We dip the edges in metal. I keep asking him about the products, what they are, where they’re from, how they’re manufactured. He keeps saying we when he talks about the products but eventually he switches to they. Then that's the pronoun he sticks with.
Zack Haber
Zack Haber is a poet, journalist, and substitute teacher who lives in West Oakland. They write regularly for The Oakland Post about homelessness and housing. Their work has also appeared in DataBleed Zine, Blush Lit, Lammergeier, Left Voice, Teen Vogue and other places.